Monday, February 25

' Non American Gangster ' Adds To Knicks' Depression

The Raptors got back at the Knicks rather emphatically . Well, at least in the 2nd half of last night's blowout game, 115-92. Everybody in the Rap's camp was aching for a revenge including a seldom used player Rasheed Wallace called gangsta. Primo Brezec was so animated last night as he repeatedly raised his arm and signalled 'I'm no. 1 ' with his finger everytime he scored . Hmm. Number 1 in what ? . Ahh , I know . Public Enemy No. 1 when the Raps visit NY next least , to the Knicks TV announcing crew. Here are samples of what Cylde Frazier and his partner said about Brezec. ' The guy is basket hanging . That's how he made his points ' said Cylde. Well , I agree. Twice last night , Brezec got fastbreak baskets by staying in the backcourt while all others were back in the frontcourt. Can't blame the guy. He hardly played in Charlotte and Detroit before being jettisoned to Toronto. When Brezec made his 2nd dunk and raised his finger in the air once more , Clyde's partner commented. ' Brezec is either showing enthusiasm or he is showboating . I'd say, he's showboating '. He, he . The problem with Brezec's untimely show of bravado was that the game's outcome was long determined by then. It's obvious that Brezec has now recovered from his depression caused by another Sam's (Vincent) actions. Nothing that a dose of playing time ....and medication can't cure . Brezec is now known as Primo ' Prozac ' Brezec !
Lucky for Prozac , I mean , Brezec , that the Raps are not playing in NY and that it was the Academy Awards night . Knicks' die hard Spike Lee was at the Kodak Theater laughing at Oscar host J. Stewart's jokes. But deep inside Spike was kinda sad I'm sure . Not only was his Knicks beaten by a team led by foreign players - Andrea Bargnani's 25 points and Jose Calderon's excellent playmaking , his man Danzel's American Gangster was shut out of the major awards ..... by foreign players of the celluloid screen !

Saturday, February 23

Randolph Gives Bosh A Finger .....In The Eye As The Raps' Loss To The Knicks

The Raptor Killer striked again . Placed a dagger 43 in long in the Raptors' chest . Can't the Raps guard this Jamal ? But 1st , they must know their geometry . ' I thought I was close enought to him but apparently not ' said Jamario Moon after Jamal buried a 3 point shot with the score close and the time down to a few minutes in the game the Knicks won , 99-103. The man Walt 'Clyde' Frazier dubbed the master of off balanced shots threw the whole Raptors unbalanced all night with his 43 big points . The Raps opened the game in the 1st quarter with a big number of turnovers (especially compared with the Knicks ) but looked like they will have an easy sailing . Nope . The Raps let their opponents find their groove leading a mere 2 points after the initial half. Last night's loss to a team everyone in the NBA agrees is the suckiest team was the kind that will lose them many fans . Coming at the time that the Raptors TV ratings are beginning to climb up , this is bad news . Maybe , they will watch watch American Idol instead . Ooops , maybe not. Paula Abdul's name might remind them of Jamal !
The 2nd half was a different story . ' The 1st half is all offense but the 2nd half is all defense ' said Cyde . Not really . Zach Randolph introduced his 'offensive' finger to CB4's eye forcing Bosh to throw an awkward shot which missed the basket like a car without a GPS. Bosh closed his eyes for a long time while down on the floor like a Muslim doing his salah (right photo ). When Bosh got up , he gave the refs a mouthful . No ' t ' was given him as the refs gave Bosh the respect he deserved being the Raptors' main guy according to Cylde . Actually , Bosh commited a series of errors at that point in time with the Lilliputian Nate Robinson helping Zack double team, well more correctly , 1 1/2 team Bosh everytime the ball was in his hands. Actually , the Raps still have a good chance to catch up until Moon woke up to discover his name was not Jamario Kapono . It's more like J. KaputNo. Moon, who made all his four 3 points shots earlier, missed the rest of his attempts from the long range. Should not Moon be dunking from the 3 point line instead ? Give Moon a tape he could put on the floor please !

Moon : Next year , I'm joining the 3 point shooting contest .... at circus soleil !

Tuesday, February 19

Kapono Hoists 3 Point Shooting Trophy ... And Trophy Wife !

Why isn't Jason Kapono logging more minutes ? This question was asked over and over again during the recently concluded All Star weekend in New Orleans. Even TNT's panel wondered why the back to back 3 shooting point King failed to convince coach Sam Mitchell he's not only a pretty boy but he has a pretty good game to boot ! ' The Raptors overpaid for Kapono ' added one of the panelist. I wonder if B.C. used all the team's free agent money just to get a fellow paisano in Raps' uniform ? I could understand if B.C. overpaid to get JK's wife in a Raptors dancer's uni ! Talking about player's mate , why do I get the feeling that CB4's girlfriend is another Mrs. Antonio Davis . She looks the dominating type , if not annoying . She was shown miggling with NBA All Stars 'Melo , LBJ and of course Bosh. The other wives and GFs were in the background . Uh oh .Bosh should think very hard before commiting to her.' Why is Bosh's GF's forehead big ? my wife asked. ' Simple. That means , she is wise ' I answered. Uh oh again. Not Mrs. Paul Mc Cartney wise . Let's see Chris use his vaunted fast 1st step to drive past another big man ... err , big forehead .
The importance of choosing the right partner is really important for NBA stars. The divorce situ in the NBA scene is not as brutal as Hollywood 's but it is approaching that. Proofs are the recent divorces of Shaq , DWade , Jason Kidd and VC . Why ? In the case of DWade , who was tied up with his 'old' wife since in high school , he is surely in search of a trophy. Naw , not the NBA trophy but a trophy wife !

Chris' GF
: Go CB4head ! Go CB4head ! Go CB4head !

Saturday, February 16

Jemario Will Make TO Forget About VC , Finally ?

Jemario Moon will be in the centerstage tonight with the Slam Dunk contest finally on the way. Moon have some large shoes to fill as far as Toronto fans are concern. He's got VC 's stinking shoes to fill. The Raptors fans can't seem to forget VC. They still booed him after all these years as evidenced by their reactions when the New Jersey Nets played (with) the Raps last Wednesday night. The NBA world is looking forward to Moon's dunks after viewing his you tube teaser . The video showed his feet jumping way pass the foul line. Did he really took off from that spot and dunk ? Maybe , it's just the video game Moon like the images shown on the right photo. I'm reminded of the time when Josh Smith placed masking tapes on some spots on the court before his dunk in the previous SD contest. People thought then that Josh will take off from one of the marked spots which were really far from from the rim . Nothing is farther from the truth . Josh made the marks only to guide his path towards the basket. ' He should have not taped the floor. People were misled to believing he will jump from those spots ' said TNT's Kenny Smith who incidentally picked Moon to be the next SD champion. Charles Barkley , a fellow Alabaman like Moon ( that makes them , Alabamen ) does'nt seem as enamored as Smith of Moon. That's one vote less for Barkley should he decide to run for Governor of Alabama. One thing sure though , Barkley is voting for Barack Obama ! Jemario Moon will regret his you tube trailer if he cannot accomplish what Dr. J , MJ , and KJ (that's Vince Carter ) failed to do before him- take off from way pass the foul line. Otherwise , Moon should do better in the trailer business. No , not the kind that proliferate in post Katrina New Orleans ( site of this year's All Star ). I meant, the movie trailer business !

Thursday, February 14

Half Man , Half Amazon .

It's halftime in the NBA . It's time to grade the Raptors' performance the 1st half of the current season. Many homos ( for homo sapiens) fans will give the Raps a B+ . Even an A- . Not me . I will give the Raps a ----. In this afternoon TV/radio simulcast of his sports talkshow , Bob McCowan asked Raptors basketball Analyst Jack Armstrong how he rates the 1st half performance of Toronto's basketball team . ' They are OK. In the 15 winning teams of the NBA this season , the Raptors will be in the bottom 3rd of the pack ' said Jack.That's why Jack is the half acceptable of the 3 men in the Raptors TV booth . He's not ultra homer like Chuckie or uber ' know it all ' like Leo. Jack is OK ... like the Raps now ( according to Jack) . I guess , Jack is a glass half full , half empty guy . Or more appropriately , half fool , half empty guy !
Jack's semi off tangent assesment reminds of a lady named F-----. She's a knockout and smart too. But something is wrong with her eyes . Why ? She insists that the delicate beauty , Keira Knightley , of the '08 Oscar nominated film Atonement is not beautiful..... and worst , that she's manly. Keira an Amazonic beauty ? Arrhgg. Kiera is definitely not manly ! Just like many Raptors fans can't see straight when it comes to their beloved team. It's obvious that the Raptors 1) can't play defense 2) have no consistent go to guy 3) have mediocre inside play. The worst is that the Raptors are not manly . Just like Keira , the Raptors are feminine when it comes rough and rugged plays of the NBA . They are soft , Keira soft . In fact , the Raptors can be called KeiRaptors !

ira : Me , manly ? I wonder why .

Tuesday, February 12

They Tried To Make T.J. Go To Rehab .

Yes , T.J. Ford is going back to rehab like Grammy award winner Amy Winehouse. Or at least, his wrist will need unspraining . Last night , in a loss to the San Antonio Spurs , 88-93 , T.J. suffered a sprained wrist. I don't know why T.J. wants to continue playing . I think he's too fragile now. Why don't he just join Amy (left photo) in the rehab ? T.J. admit it . You are addicted. Addicted to playing basketball. Next time , it might be your neck that will be broken ...or slashed like Richard Zednik of the Florida Panthers in last week's NHL game. Now, the whole hockey world is talking about NHL players wearing neck pads . Hmmm. Maybe T.J. will be 100% protected by wearing a pad. A body pad . Here is how T.J. will look like in a body pad .
Very dissapointing in last night's game was CB4's game. He was limited in points and rebounds. Hardly the game worthy of an All Star. Yes , Oberto defended Bosh very well but it was also because CB4 settled for outside shots. What's really wrong with Bosh ? I'd say that Bosh is pre occupied with making you tube videos. He made another one after the highly acclaimed Vote For Me To Be An All Star you tube . That's the trouble with athletes dabbling in acting. It can be addicting to the detriment of their real careers. Look at Serena Williams and Will Ferrel. Ooops . That Ferrel guy made so many sports movie - Talledega Nights , Blades Of Glory and the basketball film Semi Pro - that I thought he's a real athlete. Anyways , ball players should stick to playing ball not acting . After all , there is enuff acting in the hardcourt . Only it's called flopping !

Friday, February 8

The Quick Brown Fox Will Jump Over The Crazy Dog ?

LA Clippers upset the Raptors ? Raps' fans in turn suffered upset stomachs en masse . Why not ? A Cassel less Clips with no brand .. err , I mean , with no Elton Brand winning over the Toronto dribblers , 98-102. What a shock ! Coach Sam Mitchell better watch out . If the Raps suffer more defeats like this one tonight , jobhunting Larry Brown might suddenly find another team to add to his mile long resume. The famed coach is reported to be desperately looking for a bench role even as an Assistant coach in any team except the Sixers and of course the NY Knicks. ' He (Brown) wants to coach again. It's in his blood . He's sincere and there's no doubt that he wants to coach again ' said his friend and Spurs coach Popovich in New York tonight. Detroit with GM Joe Dumar never reached the NBA championships ( and won it in 2003 ) until the Pistons replaced Rick Carlisle , a 50 consecutive regular season winning coach , with Larry Brown. However , MLSE needs eHarmony to know if the Raps and coach Brown are compatible not like the 2 shown in the above photo.
Sam is a 47 game winner last season. He is likely not be able to duplicate that record this season at the rate things are going . Tsk , tsk , tsk. It's time to call the Grandfather again (shown on the right photo before he shaved his facial hairs for his photo for his passport needed to enter Canada) . Actually, Sam started to do that. This week , Raptors VP or consiglieri Wayne Embry's name resurfaced after an long absence from the news . Sam quoted Embry as saying something like this ' A coach job is to coach and a GM job is to put together the best lineup '. That's implying that GM Bryan Colangelo bears the responsibility of shaking the present roster to make it more competitive. Sam is saying that there is nothing more he can extract from his men except maybe more you tube videos the likes that CB4 and Moon came up with to bolster their quests for an All Star slot and the Slam Dunk contest . A 1st round playoff stint or at best , a 2nd round appearance by Sam's men is it. Just like Fredo and other characters in Godfather 2 , the Raptors will not be in the sequel to the sequel or.... triquel ?
The acquisition of Pau Gasol would have been sufficient to capture the East . Where was BC then ? BC could have used his influence on longtime Suns assistant and now Memphis coach Marc Ivaroni to acquire the Spanish center and reunite Pau with amigo Jose Calderon in the Raps' uniform . Too bad for Sam though . BC is no Rob Babcock . Meaning , BC is no pushover unlike Babcock. Babcock was ejected from the GM position partly because Sam has Wayne on his side. In short , Sam was in Wayne's World and Babcock was not . It's very likely that if the Raps failed to get pass the 1st round , Sam will be samwhere else outside of Toronto !

Pau : Jose , I now anoint you as Master Of Your Own Universe ,

Saturday, February 2

Snow Storm Kobe Hits Toronto Again.

Last night's game showed the fans of the Raptors how far their team is from respectablility . The result a 101-121 loss in the hands of the undermanned LA Lakers underscored GM Bryan Colangelo's failure to address the main weakness of the Raptors. This team is easilly intimated by real deadly opposition. And that's exactly what the Raps faced last night. Like the Detroit Pistons , the Suns and Mavs , the Lakers will cut your throat if they see you are patsies. Yes , TO whupped the Spurs but San Antonio is not the same team this season . ' We are not playing well lately ' said Spur Manu Ginobili as his team suffered 4 straight losses before beating the Suns last Thursday. LA are deadly as long as the Kobe aka the Black Mamba is there. Last night , Kobe exploded for 46 points. No wonder , Kobe is called the Black Mamba because he's as deadly as the venomenous snake from Africa. The Raps guarding Kobe especially AP and Delfino were like bitten by a snake as they remain motionless as Kobe drived to the basket over and over again last night. ESPN's replayed the one man dunkathon a thousand times to the embarrasment of TO's fans. It even mentioned that the Raptors are Kobe's fav whipping boys . Bryant averaged almost 28 ppg vs. TO more than any other NBA team. Who can forget the 81 points Kobe scored vs. the Raps 2 seasons ago ? B.C. , do something please. You need to stop Kobe shaming your team . It's time your team adopt a tough mentality. Start by getting a real tough guy. Maybe even try Ruben Petterson , the self proclaimed Kobe Stopper..... or get the service of Raptors' Superfan (shown on the right photo with Ms.Carter , the mother of another kind of snake) . After all , Superfan is a known snake charmer !
Just look at Kobe has to say after the game . ' I think we are really excited about the great oppportunity in front of us ' said Kobe after noting that the team suited up only 8 players . A great oppportunity for a win on the road with only 8 players ? Should not Sam be saying that ? Ha, I know . Kobe is a feng shui believer. In China , the no. 8 is a lucky number. And this year being 2008, makes it pretty special. Ask the Beijing Olympic organizers . They will open the summer Olympics to be held in China at exactly 8 a.m. on 8/8/08 ! I guess Kobe is a believer all right of the number 8. The former no.8 aka the Black Mamba , 8 the Raptors again last night ! Yum, yum .

Kobe : I'll eat your empty head next 'coz I'm on a diet.