Thursday, April 24

D Ho To Fly W/out The Superman Cape To TO.

THEN : Howard : I need my Superman cape and fly in this dunk contest .

NOW : Howard : I need my broom to fly to ACC in TO. Sweep , hi,hi,hi.

Wednesday, April 23

Rise Raptors Rise !

Now it's 0-2. Can the Raptors come back ? Can they muster the strength to win game 3 at least ? Can they do a Hillary ? ' Clinton is like Chumbawhamba. She gets knocked down but she gets up again and again ' said the CNN guy this morning after HC won the Pennysylvania primary by 10 points over Barack Obama. This morning also , I heard it over 590 AM that at least the basketball game last night was entertaining . Unlike game 1. Toronto has 2 chances to win the game but Bosh 'chickened' out ! First , he failed to get a foul called on Dwight Howard when he drove to the basket . The ball was blocked and midget Jameer Nelson rebounded and ran away with the ball like that ghome in the Travelocity commercial .The next time, Bosh has the ball with 9 secs left but he opted to make a jumper instead of attacking the basket. Poor decision making. ' I don't want to put the game in the hands of the refs ' answered CB4 when asked why he did not drive to the basket . Huh ? The zebras wanted to put , in fact , put the game in Raptors hands. Before that play , a ref called a questionable offensive foul on Magic's Kenyon Dooling ! ' What do you call the Academy Awards in Spanish ' said the TNT announcer after witnessing Jose Calderon's performance worthy of an Oscar just to call the attention of the refs to Dooling's puny moves. I don't know how the likes of Gasol and Garbajosa call Jose's antics but I guess one can say Hasta La Vista , baby if the Raps fail to win at home !
Me thinks that Bosh was afraid of D Ho. Afraid that his shot will be blocked . Afraid that he will be crumpled again like a beer can in the hands of a goon in a Toronto bar. Or maybe , Bosh was just suffering from collision trauma . Oh my gosh. Bosh's punishments in this game were nothing compared to what King James got so far from the Wizards. Maybe Stephen A. is right. Bosh needs to bulk up . Or just appear tough , huh ? I can just imagine a tough looking and thrash talking Bosh. Ooops . Not that . Maybe , Bosh just needs to say his prayers before each game in this series. ' Glory Be To The Father , To The Son , To Dwight Howard.......

Monday, April 21

Unvetted Raptors Should Stay Out ?

Same , same. That's the bottomline. The Raptors lost to the Orlando Magic , 100-114, in game 1 of their 1st round match up because they are not vetted . Like Barrack Obama according to the Hillary camp. 'If you can't stand the heat , get out of the kitchen ' said Bill Clinton . Well , the Raptors barely beat the Heat in their last game of the regular season . Maybe , they should get out of the kitc .... the playoffs . Despite being in 2nd consecutive year in the NBA playoffs , the Raps were caught flatfooted in the 1st quarter . Why oh why ? Simple . The pressure of post season play. 'Chris Bosh was criticized last year in the 1st round match up against the Nets when he averaged 17 ppg only.Bosh haven't score in the 2nd quarter in this game' said the TNT guy in explaining the blowout. The Raptors center eventually finished with a meek 22 points and only 6 rebounds. CB4 averaged a splendid > 30 ppg vs. Howard and Co. in the regular season.In this game , Howard graduated into a real force ala Shaq . DH completely owned Bosh. Howard is Bosh's boss !
Which brings me to the topic of how so called superstars faced criticism .LeBrown James said his play speaks louder than words. LBJ muted Stevenson in their game last Saturday. Overrated huh .LBJ is simply devasting . He carried his team by destroying the whole Washington team ! What about Chris Bosh ? Prior to the game , Bosh wrote in his blog how hurt he was at ESPN's Stephen 'Asshole' Smith's non basketball related (?) tirades against him . On the day of the game , Smith explained what he meant by his earlier comments . ' I just said he (Bosh) needs to do weight training. He is so thin. The toughest guy in the Raptors is their coach. The are soft. As soft as Cottonelle '. Is Bosh thin ? Stephen A. is correct . Is the team (Cottonnelle) soft ? The Asshole is correct again .So , what's bugging Chris ? It's good that Smith did'nt call Bosh Tampon . Ya know . It's ultra thin , soft and eventually becomes as red as the Raptors' uniform !

Friday, April 18

Top 10 Reasons Why The Raptors Will Bow To The Magic In Their Playoff Series !

No. 10 Rasho will stop doing the Happy Dance routine , credited for his awesome games lately , starting this playoff series with the Magic. Rasho will go back to his old self - sucky !

No. 9 Chris Bosh will hurt his arm egging the dead Raptors fans in the ACC to cheer for the team...again. Bosh will suffer from plantar armitiis .

No. 8 Maple Leaf Sports And Entertainment's Richard Peddie will force Sam Mitchell to finish the series in 4 games so that he can concentrate in rebuilding the more loved Maple Leafs' hockey club .What way to insure an early finish than to be swept by the Magic ! Welcome to the Hockey mad and Weird Canada.

No. 7 Sam will try to get into the good grace of the Magic's owner and Amway founder Robert DeVos in case Bryan Colangelo fires Sam after the end of the season. Sam thought that Amway is an airline Company !

No. 6 The Raps' fans will be jinx by the presence of the hated and Orlando native Vince Carter . They will will shout 'VC sucks ' all series long forgetting the Magic players who will play awesomeball undisturbed.

No. 6 Coach Stan Van Gundy will do his best to coach the Magic to victory because there is a rumor that Pat Riley will replace him again if he faltered.

No. 5 The Magic will declare all Torontonians persona non grata if the Raptors beat the Magic . That means , No Disney vacations ......only trips to Ontario's sucky Wonderland !

No. 4 Anthony Parker will dislocate his shoulder three times purposely to match sis Candice, the better Parker , who led his school's NCAA team to victory despite a dislocating her shoulder twice. AP will break his shoulder instead the 3rd time.

No. 3 The Raptors' mascot will spike the Raptors' players drinks . It's appears that Dino made a secret pact with Disney execs that he will be included in the Mickey Mouse Club if the Magic wins.

No. 2 The 'small market' Toronto Raptors is bitter according to Barack Obama that's why they will just cling to relig.... each other instead of playing high quality basketball .

And the no. 1 reason why the Raptors will lose to the Magic is that the CB4' s girlfriend , Ms. CB4head will jeer Dwight Howard like she did .Just like LBJ , Dwight will punish the Raptors...only it's in all 4 games . Finito !

Tuesday, April 15

Kris Humphries Copies Chris Bosh's Act !

Joey G : Hump , are you egging the dead silent Raptors' crowd to make some noise like CB4 did last week ?
Humphries : No Joey . I'm clearing the foul air because I just farted !


Sunday, April 13

Ti Bet Or Not To Bet For The Raptors.

The Raptors battled the eastern powerhouse Detroit Pistons all the way before losing , 84-91. The Raps sure gave the boys from Motown a real scare . Oh I almost forgot .The Pistons played their 1st stringers sparingly. No one member of the 1st 5 played more than 25 minutes. They played stone and scissor while waiting to be fielded in the game ( see photo below). This game shown nationwide in the US via ESPN and ABC was supposed to be a dry run of the 1st round playoff. If that is the case , the match up will certainly a disaster. The series will definitedly be relegated to ESPN and not be carried by ABC like the other eastern conference match ups. You cannot blame the producers at ABC . Interesting match up as the Wizards vs. the Magics or teams that feature bonafide superstars like LeBron James or the combined star power of Pierce, Allen & Garnett and to some degree Cassell of the C's are TV ratings bonanza . I'm tired of seeing American Idol and Dancings With The Stars gather all the audience. The NCAA Finals between the Jayhawks and the Tigers was only no. 9 this week behind the crappy sitcom , Two And A Half Men. With the Celtics in this post season after a long time absence, ABC can always promote the Celtics' games as featuring Three And A Half Men !
There is still a chance that the Raps can avoid a sure 1st round loss to the Pistons . How ? By boycotting the playoffs because of China's Tibet policy ! Ooops. Not likely to be accepted by Comm. Stern . It's by actually playing really well in the last 2 regular season games so that they will hold on to the 6th position in the East. In such a case , the Raps will face the Magic . Easier opponent ? Even Magic's coach's bro , Jeff Van Gundy , thinks so. ' The Magic is not an elite team yet as it just lost this past week to the Timberwolves and the Knicks. ' The Knicks ? Any team which lost to the Knicks is certainly certified beatable. Bring on the Knicks' loser , Orlando ....pronto! Psst, the Raps lost to the Knicks too last Feb.22 . Huh ? What is Disney's policy in visitors ' attires ?
Dalai Lama : I may be wearing a Washington National's baseball cap but I am a Cleveland Cavaliers' fan all the way . Just look at my attire !

Wednesday, April 9

Raps ' Waive' DMart !

B.C. : Sam , we will waive DMart.
Sam : Huh ? Ok !

The next day .
Sam : Raise your arms and wave , Bryan .
DMart :(singing ala Josh Groban)
' you raise me up , so I can
stand on mountains . you ...

Sunday, April 6

The Raps Are Castrated.

The Raptors are frustrated according to Sam Mitchell. More like , they are castrated ! Hey , the eunuchs are on a freefall lately with a string of losses the latest of which coming at the hands of playoff outcasts, the Charlotte Bobcats (100-105) and the New Jersey Nets (90-95) . They are now sitting at the 7th place, 2 games ahead of the surging Atlanta Hawks who are at no.8 spot. If the playoffs start now , TO will face Detroit. They're chances against the Pistons are slim and none . If the Hawks overtake them , their chance of beating the no. 1 Boston Celtics is somewhere between zero and none. The Raps stink. Right Bosh ? See pkoto on the left. So to those who predicted that the team will be better this year than last season , you just joined Obama and McCain in the lousy hoop prediction business. There is some who contends that B.C. is secretly happy at the development . At last , the Raptors GM can dispose of his coach . If the 1st round of the playoffs , the Raptors don't get pass , Sam Mitchell is past !
The team's current dilemna comes at a very bad time. If you are the team's coach . you want to end the regular season on a high note. Ffteen losses in the last 21 games is horrifying. Its like being face to face with Priscilla Presley's reconstructed face. Have the players tuned Sam out ? Nothing he say and do seem to have any effect anymore. ' The feeling is that we've just got to play better . Thar's no secret. We all feel that " Sam said. Really ? Raptors' fans booed the team in their last home game lost last Friday to the Bobcats. Next loss at home to hated VC and the Nets (April 11) , expect the fans to disown them !

Priscilla: If the Raps lose to the Nets, Sam can always see my doctor for plastic surgery !

Wednesday, April 2

Curry Not In A Hurry

News was that NCAA sensation and son of ex Raptor Dell Curry is not exactly eager to go pro this coming NBA draft. Good for him. Stephen Curry who averaged an unbelievable 30 points during small school Davidson in March Madness run will be a tween at this stage. Not polished enough to be a point guard and not big enough to be a scoring guard. He will be like ex Raptor Juan Dixon - forced to play PG unsuccesfully by Sam . Curry should use this summer and next year to improve his passing and playmaking skills . And the summer leading to 2009 draft too. He can tranform himself to another Tony Parker (of the SA Spurs) . If Curry plays his cards well , he will have a solid career in the pro circuit. If he does not play his cards well .....hmm , well , Stephen can always play poker in the poker pro circuit.
Which brings me to the subject of this coming draft. Why is BC personally scouting draft prospects in Europe . He should have learned his lessons very well in the light of Andrea Bargnani's case. It just pathetic to see Bargs sitting on the bench even in the game vs. the lowly Charlotte Bobcats last Monday. His stat line -0 point , 2 rebounds and 0 assist in 7 minutes of playing time. This is how low the number 1 NBA overall pick has sunk. I'd say Bargs is no better than the Nets Bostjan Nachbar or the Nuggets' Kleiza . Both are not number 1 pick. Enough of this overated and softie Euros , Colangelo. Unless you are talking about euros , the currency. It's the only euros rising in value here in N.America. Lookit , Italian Marco Belinelli is KO'd on the Warriors' bench like Rocky while Frenchman Gelabale was sent to the D league by the Sonics before his injury completely sidelined him. And then there is high priced Beckham reduced to a spectator and seen watching a Lakers' game recently. Ooops . That's a Euro star in another sport. That Brit flopped instead of bending his body like Beck... like the Spice Girls. Besides , isn't Asst.GM , Mauricio G. supposed to handle Euro recruiting. Just stay in N.America , Brian and watch Curry shoot the lights out of the arena . Try listening to local advisers for a change. Just as long as he's not Obama's pastor Rev. Jeremiah Wright !