Monday, March 10

Top Ten Ways to Turn the 'Soft' Raptors to Toughies

10. Get Miami Heat's Johnson to be Bargani's buddy/teammate.

9. Replace Raptors' drink from Gatorade to Tabasco's hot sauce.


8. Hire ex-Raptors tough guys Charles Oakley, Chris Childs, Kevin Willis and Vince Carter. Oops.. D
efinitely not VC.

7. Instead of coach Sam Mitchell and his staff wearing suits, they must wear macho attire.

6. Inject 'Forderon' with HGH and steroids.

Replace Dino mascot with Godzilla.

4. Use Edwin Starr's "War" as intro music and use roadside bomb as used in Afghanistan as fireworks.

3. Hire American Idol's Simon Cowell as the Raptor's PA announcer. Every Raptor will make sure not to play lousy or else Simon will call them out.

2. Promise the Raptor's starting lineup that they will be in Charles Barkley's fave five if they will play tough.

And the number 1 way to make
the 'soft' Raptors tough is to let every Raptor wear a Hannibal Lecter mask.


Anonymous cuzoogle said...

great list, let us all hope BC gets it in his inbox.

If you don’t want to stay up late and watch the Raptors lose on the west coast, might I suggest renting a movie? There are many new ones this week that not only entertain you but will fill your night with Raptor goodness even if you are not checking out the game.

1:15 PM  
Anonymous said...

lol, sign me up for simon cowell as the PA anouncer. great list coach.

5:04 PM  
Blogger The Big Fig said...

You used my Letterman art without permission at least give my site a link with a credit...

8:05 PM  

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