Thursday, July 30

Marco Belinelli Is As Soft As Pasta .

Colangelo strikes again . Yup , another softie is with the Raps in the person of Marco Belinelli. A European and a true blooded paisano at that . The Belinelli who is coach Nellie's reject ! He who pretends to be a basketball player but is actually as fake as lipsynching Milli Vanilli ! Several summers ago , Marco Belinelli impressed every basketball fan when he shot the lights out of the arena with an impressive shooting in the summer league . Come the regular season , the Italian Stallion , so named because he looks like Slyvester Stallone , was as tame as Sylvester the cat spending a lot of time on the bench... napping . Well , something like that with his sleepy Stalloney eyes . Why do you think Marco Belinelli , the cat , found himself in Nellie's doghouse ? Because Marco Belinelli is a one dimensional basketball player ... not 3D . He has no defence (1) , no dedication to the game (2) and no discussion . An NBA player must keep himself in the pubic hair , I meant , public air . Look at Dennis Rodman . The Worm managed to stay in the limelight during his playing days by creating every oppotunity to bee talked about always . Stay relevant , Marco . Do something to capture the fans' attention . You should have dated the Warriors' #1 fan , Jessica Alba or suck up to # 1 taxpayer in SF and Oracle boss Ellison or be like your Prime Minister . Silvio Berlusconi . That dude can rock and roll with young chicks . Silvio is as hard as a rock while Marco is as soft as pasta . What do you expect from a GM named Bryan ColanJello , err ... I mean , Colangelo !

Tuesday, July 21

Kobe Picks Manny Pacquiao.

That is what NBA champion Kobe Bryant of the Lakers said when asked during the of press con at the start of Nike's tour of 6 Asian countries. So what is Kobe Bryan Colangelo waiting for ? In my last posting , I put forward the idea of the Raptors recruiting Filipino Manny Pacquiao to join the team. For equal representation and much needed toughness. If one look closely at nationalities of the fans of the team , half of them are Asians. A lot of Asian terrorists .. er .. I mean , Asian tourists , look forward to watching an NBA game when they are in Toronto . Considering Manny is a big hero all over Asia , his joining the Raps roster will result in the sprouting of TO Raptors fans clubs all over in Asia. From the boondocks of Mymmar to terrorist camps in southern Philippines. Why not ? The rebels in the Philippines reportedly stop fighting government forces whenever Manny has a fight . I can just see North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il , who is ill right now , shifting his allegiance to Manny from his long time idol Michael Jordan . Might be that the recently beaten Sri Lankan freedom fighters , the Tamil Tigers , will resurface as the Tamil Raptors . Bryan , just do it ! Everybody is doing it as you can see in the video.

Thursday, July 16

Raptors Is Still A Soft Team !

That's the conclusion I made after looking at the lineup of the Toronto Raptors.....absolutely lacking in the toughness department. Despite BC's announcement that he will make the team lose its nice image , the Raps are still , well , nice. Let's look at the significant additions to the line up : Turkaglu is as soft as a Charmin tissue paper . Hedo was making `nice conversiations' with Kobe during the Finals . Maybe the 2 are talking about the Turkish bath they frequent . Fool . Obviously , Hedo is not aware of the Bill Russel technique that Kobe was using on him. Be nice to your enemies so that they will lose their edge. Hedo T. is really Shedo Turkaglu ! And this so called nasty guy Reggie Evans . Evans is what Bad Boy Oakley refers to as a tough guy wanna be . Evans whos claim to toughness was him grabbing Clip Kaman's nuts during a rebound play when he was still a member of the Denver Nuggets. He's like the Soprano character , Vito. , a homo gangster . Evans a baller who like balls ! Otherwise , why did he went nuts with another baller's nuts. Just look at the photo of Evans on the right . He is like a gay Taliban fighter ! Evans should join Richard Dick Jefferson in Paris. The other new Raptors are Davean 'Boy' George and Antoine 'To the Right To the' Wright . Complete sissies if you ask me. Homos . Homo sapiens !
BC should look at one of last night`s ESPY awardee . The recipient of the Best Fighter award , Manny Pacquiao. I know the pound for pound King of Boxing is a favorite of NBA players like Agent Zero, Dooling, David West, the Celtics Big 3 and others. Just google it . Pacman , the newest endorser of Nike to join Kobe and other sports superstars , would be pounding the ball instead of pounding the mitts if not for his tremendous success as a boxer . There you go BC . An Asian baller who is a certified tough guy . Just watch this video. Enjoy you homos !

Monday, July 13

Wanted : Asian Baller For The Raptors

I wonder why despite of the Raptors' continuing move of using international players , B Colangelo has not recruited an Asian baller . Oh I forgot . Foreign players mean European hoopters . Discrimination ? Look at the LA Lakers . They have a Chinese player . He is Sue Yue , a 6'9" PG called the Magic Johnson of China. Remember Yuta Tabuse the Michael Jordan of Japan ? The 5'9" PG suited up for the Phoenix Suns in the '04 season. Tabuse's NBA stint created super media attention in sports crazy Japan . Not as huge as baseball's Suzuki of the Mariners or Boston's Matsuzaka but huge nevertheless. This season , the Suns has another Japanese player , T. Kawamura , included in their summer league team. Wake up BC ! Not only Italians or pizza lovers are hoops followers. Even sushi eaters are fans of basketball . Just take a look at the exploding number of sushi restos now in TO . Sushi snack pack are even sold inside Air Canada . It will be a matter of time before the Raptors offer free sushis , instead of pizzas , if the team's score 100 points !
It will be wise for MLSE tap TO's growing Asian population . Even the Maple Leafs have their #1 draft pick this year who's parents are originally from Lebanon. For those who are not good in geography , the Middle East is part of Asia. The NBA's doormat , Memphis , has a 7 '2" giant from Iran , Ahmed Hadai , playing .. err.. warming their bench since last season. I'm not sure if Hadadi is called the something something of Iran . Maybe , the Rafael Araujo of Iran ! But I would zero in on the exploding Asian-Chinese immigrant population if I am BC. The number of Chinese owned malls in TO is testament to the purchasing power of this sector of the population. Yeah , I am all for that . BC needs to be Sinocentric instead of Eurocentric. Rather than adding to the team the Pacers' Jarrett Jack , get Jackie Chan instead. Then perhaps , if the score reaches 100 points , the Raps will give away free spring rolls ! yum , yum , yum .

Monday, July 6

Raptors Headlines

Last week proved to be an very interesting one for basketball lovers this side of the globe. Just look at what the writers wrote about what are happenning as far as the Raptors are concern ..and of course my reactions to the news :

1. Hoopshype : Jose Manuel Calderon : ' We are not that far away '.
Moi say : Si , senor Jose . Madrid is also.... not that far away from Toronto .

2. Toronto Star's Doug Smith : ' Toronto Factor ' seals the deal for new Raptor .
Moi say : What ? Not the $53 million that he will receive in 5 years !

3. Globe & Mail's Jeff Blair : Turgalou's signing should be celebrated
Moi say : Hooray ! Rejoice Raps fans ...we just won the NBA championship !

4. National Post's : Report : Turkoglou will join the Raptors
Moi say : ...and his wife will join Harper's Conservative party !

Breaking news... B.C. signs another European player to wear the red and black uniform of the Raptors. Who is this player ? Click here.

Saturday, July 4

Pacers Becoming More White ; B.C.Turning White !

Larry Bird continues to recruit white leg horn players while cutting the bad and the ugly black ones i.e Tinsley and Daniels. His latest acquisition is Tyler Hansbrough, a ballplayer as white as snow. ' Hansbrough reminds me of myself ' said Larry Legend in the press conference introducing T.H.. Not really . You see , the Pacers' 1st round draft choice in this year's draft is the son of a Doctor while Larry is the son ... delivered by a Doctor. Stupid ! Larry meant playalike ! Of course. Tyler plays hard every game . Like Larry , everybody says that Tyler can't jump, is too slow and probadly don't know how to rap .With Tyler's addition, there are now 6 white players ,who are not members of the KKK , in the Pacers' lineup. Cool . Indiana has the most number of white players in one NBA team. There is Dunleavy , Murphy , Foster , Diener , Rasho , Mc Roberts and now Tyler ! Tsk,tsk. If Michael Jackson , who was from Indiana , opted to thrill us by playing basketball instead of moonwalking , the Pacers will be truly white !
Here in Toronto , B.C. is busy with his Europeanization of the Raptors' line up . Fresh addition to the team is Turkey's Hedo Turkoglu . One report said that Hedo chose TO because of its large immigrant population from Turkey . Hmm . Not sure about that . I know that there are gazilion turkeys and chickenshits from everywhere living in TO and not only from Turkey ! Desperate move by Colangelo ? Certainly . If the Raps failed to enter the post season play ... or even be in contention by Thanksgiving , his goose err ...his turkey is cooked. And I don't mean his Thanksgiving dinner !

Thursday, July 2

New Media : Tweetum

I am really amaze at the number of people using Twitter . Everybody just about has a Twitter account. So after , My Space and Facebook , all of my friends are 'tweeting' madly. And of course , can the bloggers be far behind. All sportwriters and prominent basketball bloggers use Twitter to bring up to date news and rumors to their addicted followers. Kevin Love of the Timbaktu ... oops . the Timberwolves outscooped everybody by spilling the ouster of Wolves' coach Kevin McHale from his post. Ha,ha,ha .How 'bout that . Love made ESPN's Chad Ford et al look like runner ups in the marathon....several miles behind the winner in crossing the finish line !
This brings me to the point of my post today . I am inventing a new way of transmitting super breaking news . I am presenting ... Tweetum . It's the answer to Twitter which contains 50% unsubtantiated basketball rumors , just to tweet so to speak . Tweetum is different than Twitter in so many ways. Trust me .It kinda out tweet the original in every aspect of relaying basketball news. Just look at the samples of the tweetums from initial subscribers .

1. Joe Blowhard : Raptors' ready to sign Varejao to help collect rebounds . TO's Mayor Miller to sign him to collect garbage that accumulated due to the city strike .TWEETUM.COM

2. Rudy D' Gay : Colangelo signing Milsap as a back up to Evans . Evans hurt his hands in last week's Gay Pride parade.TWEETUM.COM

3. Comeback Kid : Toronto bringing back Delfino , Villanueva and Chuck Swirksky . Rookie De Rozan happy . He is sure of 1 vote in the ROY contest. TWEETUM.COM

4. Doggie Smith : Vince super happy that he's traded to championship caliber and hometown team Orlando Magic. Team Doctor not happy. TWEETUM.COM

5. The Lone Granger : BC busy with free agent signing this summer . BC also busy polishing his resume . TWEETUM.COM


Tuesday, June 2

Boogie Will Soon Be A 'Made Man' !

It's not official yet but it seems like Toronto fans' fav is , Alvin 'Boogie' Williams will be added as the newest assistant to freshly upgraded Mafiosi ,coach Jay Triano. The Raptors cast will be full of goodfellas with the names ending in bowels . There is the godfather Brian Colangelo ,next in line is Maurizio Gherardini and Memphis Mafia transplant Marc Iavaroni. I presume, Alex English is on the way out his name ending in a wrong English alphabetti. Why Williams then ? Hmmm. I guess his nickname , Boogie , can pass as an Italian name. It ends in a bowel , right ? Or maybe Boogie is gansgter enough . Remember Bugsy Siegel , the gangster who built Las Vegas using Mafia money ? Boogie and Bugsy !
Anyho , one thing is sure. Boogie will be able to transfer his knowledge to the Raptors guards. Like how to ballhog . Yeah , during his playing days with the Raps , Williams is known as a shoot first PG. Maybe not like fellow Philadelphian ( a transplant really ), Allen Iverson ,but as trigger happy nevertheless. Proof ? Williams' career assist average during his 9 years in the NBA was a puny 4.0 assists per game with the highest at 5.7 apg achieved during the '01-'02 season ! A far cry from Jose's assist numbers. Really , what can Alvin pass on to the present PGs of the Raps ? Playing despite having injury. Yes, Alvin liked to play inspite of the pain. Not like the present Raps. They don't like to play with pain ... they just like to play like pain in the ass !

Monday, January 5

Jay's New Year's Resolution ?

Assistant : Coach , is that your New Year's resolution ?
Jay Triano : What new year's resolution .... this loooong list is the list of what's wrong with the Raptors !

Wednesday, December 24

Raptors Top 10 Christmas Wishes

No. 10 Chris Bosh to have his own signature energy drink from Red Bull so that he will play tirelessly all season long. Remember Chrissy . If you want to be an MVP , always drink your RB .
No. 9 A crystal ball for GM Brian Colangelo for him to make a good draft pick this time as his team is headed to the lottery . Hopefully , the ball is not made in Italy !

No. 8 New father Jemario Moon to get a reliable and a consistent jumper .

No , that that kind of jumper , stupid Santa !

No. 7 An indestructible robot body for off injured Jermaine O'Neal . Here's wishing the cost of body makeover is nowhere near the cost of his hefty contract ?

No.6 A new hairdo for Roko Ukic to replace his perpetually bad hair day hairdo . What's better than a neat cornrow ala Charles Oakley . Oh wait , I forgot . Roko is not a bro .

No. 5 The duo of Bosh and Jose to turn into the local version of Stockton and Malone ...... or maybe . even like the high scoring Harris and VC tandem ..... or just like Starsky and Hutch . Whatever

No. 4 Jay Triano to receive the NBA's Coach Of the Year Award this season........and be fired the next season !

Waiting message from Avery and Sam : Welcome To The Fired Soon After Receiving COY Trophy Club !

No. 3 The ACC crowd to cheer like crazy ala Ophra and Tyra Bank's super hyper studio audiences. And they are ready to do whatever their idols want 'em to do. You like that , CB4 . OK , now Raptors fans ACC no booing and cheer us for us ......even when we suck .

No. 2 That the real Raptors team please stand up .... or come out now of your (egg ) shell . It's showtime dudes .

And the No. 1 wish this Christmas holiday is .......................that there is no Christmas . no 2008 NBA season at all . No bad start . No Harper . No bailouts. No recession .Period . The year 2008 never happened , period . Fast Forward to 2009 or better still , 2010 !

Monday, December 22

Basketball 's First 5

Yup , it's a fact . Washington has a new basketball team . So move over Washington Wizards .... ...and even those fav whipping boys of the Harlem Globetrotters called the Washington Generals . President elect Barack Obama just assembled what he called the best basketball playing White House staff . From Attorney General-to-he , Eric Holder, to Oregon State University coach and 1st bro in law , Craig Robinson , the White House line up is solid . Let us see . Should the WH basketball team be called the Washington Barrackuda ? Nope Barracudas was Sarah Palin's high school basketball team monicker . Or maybe , Washington Obamagic ? Yes . ObaMagic with none other than President Obama as the star . Awesome . Think about it. A fellow Chicagoan named MJ was famous for walking on air . Barack can walk on water or so many claim . One fellow Illinois native sure to be not in the WH line up is Governor Blagojovich . Not to worry . Maybe , Raptors GM Brian Colangelo will sign Blago . After all , Blago sounds European !

Sunday, December 14

Winning Streak Is Over , Whining Streak Begins

Yup , the Raptors are playing good basketball again . After beating the Pacers and the Nets in that order , they seemed to have rediscovered their penchant for playing ' D '. Coupled this with Chris Bosh and Co. finding the hole , the crowd is back again thinking that the Raps are playoff bound and should make the 2nd round of the NBA playoffs. So , Chris is no longer Chris Bush , Kapono is not Kaphewno , Jose Calderon is Calderunning again and emario Moon found his ' J ' or jumpshot so he desrved to be called Jemario once more .Funny how a couple of games can change how the fans view this team . How about O'Neal and Bargnani ? A lot of people think these 2 are definitely trade baits . What ? Maybe , Bargs is 'coz he's still young and an agile 7 footer but Jermaine is the opposite - old (at 29 ! ) , lead footed and injury prone. Andrea is really still a project according to Colangelo. I just hope Bargs it is not B.C.'s ........ Project Runaway !
This noon's game although a loss is not bad at all. They fought the New Orleans Hornets toe to toe but their opponents were simply tougher. I guess that was the effect of Katrina . The Hornets shot the 3's real easy like picking apples or should I say , like Big Easy ! James Posey in the 1st half and Rasul Butler in the 2nd half . Of course , the battle of Chrises was the focal point in this game. The teammates in the just concluded Beijing Olympics both played well but the small guard beat the tall forward. CP3 played an all around game while CB4 faltered in the end ... as usual. Sounds familiarity . Bosh chose to shoot a 3 pointer in the waning seconds of the game instead of a high percentage shot . He missed. So in this game , CP3 > CB4 !

Friday, November 28

Thanksgiving Turk.... Hawks !

The Raptors started this game on the right foot but end it on the left foot...almost . If not for the misses by the Hawks in the waning minutes of the contest, the result would had been like the New Jersey game. ' Toronto failed to put the game away with ill adviced shots by Bosh and Calderon ' said Dominique Wilkins , the basketball Analyst for Hawks TV. Sam called a timeout after Altanta cut down the lead to 3 points . If CB4 wants to be the MVP this season as reported in the papers , he got to use his head. Talking about head , Bosh was guarded in this game by heady player. No , I'm not saying that the Hawk center, Zsa Pachulia , is brainy but his head is HUGE. He has a huge game also hauling down 17 rebounds. But in the end , it was Bosh shining with 30 points. I wonder if Chris is serious when he said that he wants to be the MVP of the league this season. Bosh , MVP ? No way , man . Not with the Raps' record and not with guys named James and Kobe still around. Somebody should tell Chris that he must show up in games vs. KG , Sheed and the like before he considers himself legit MVP material. Right now , Bosh should be satisfied just being the MVP ....of the Raptors !
In the game tonight , 'Nique also criticized Jamario Moon for not taking advantage of the mismatch between him and 6'0'' Bibby . Jamario opted several times to shoot from the outside than drive to the basket or post his much smaller guard. One can say that the high leapin' Raptor is not exactly SuperjaMario. Thank God for Joey Graham who for the 2nd straight game earned his paycheck. One other Raptor who showed up in this game was Jason Kapono. The NBA's 3 Pt. King certainly earned his being married to a beautiful wife ! This is the kind of game the TO crowd will love . Tight but the Raps prevailed in the end. It will entice hockey mad Canadians to look forward to more NBA game especially now that the Maple Leafs suck. .. as usual. The Leafs loss is the Raptors' gain ! The stock market is on 5 day winning streak and the Raps on a 2 game winning streak . GM lives another day and Sam lives another game. Life is good ! Well , at least until this weekend when the Raps meet the Lakers !

Sunday, November 23

Lack Of eMotion Offense Dooms The Raps

The ' Cs started like a house on fire while the Raps like a 60 year old penis deprived of Viagra. For the 2nd straight game . Jose Calderon faced a whirlwind of a guard in Rondo exposing the Spanish's guard deficiency in defence like in the game versus the Nets' speedo Harris . ' He (Jose) is fast on his feet on offense but not on defense`said Donnie Hammonds . the Celtics`TV basketball Analyst '. The other scene that I looked forward to in this game was the O'Neal and Perkins lovefest. It will be recalled that the 2 almost went lips to lips their facess almost merged in their near confrontation . 'I'm a banger , he's a banger ' said Perkins. Nothing happened with O'Neal playing limited minutes with his knee not o'heal completely .The half ended with the Raptors behind by 10 points and their behinds spanked repeatedly by the Cs running game.
The start of the 3rd quarter was no different. The Raps gave away 2 baskets in the 1st 40 secs of the final half . It`s like TO went on a siesta. Seems like only The Hump decided to play as even CB4 was ineffective. I tell you what. The Raps need a bigtime bailout . Just like the US automakers , Sam`s bunch needs much needed infusion of cas...err...talents . It seems that last Friday`s loss to the NJ Nets sapped the Raps of the last energy left in them. By the middle of the 3rd quarter , the boos were more audible. I`m just glad I did go to the ACC as I originally planned. It`s funny how the 2 sides view KG`s taunting . TO and maybe the rest of the NBA said it`s worthy of a technical. The Cs TV team felt it is part of who Garnett is. `The NBA said it will allow the players to show some emotions and KG is just showing his emotions' said the TV team from Boston. As if on que , CB4 gathered his teammates in the waning moment of the 4th quarter . 'Bosh is showing some emotions rallying the rest of the Raptors to give him the ball ' . Naah . Maybe the Raps need plenty of emotion ....but they must practice motion offense instead of waiting for the ball all the time ! They simply were outran,outhustled and out of the ballgame early !

Sunday, September 7

The NBA Vs. The WNBA , Politics Style

Basketball is at the center of U.S. politics. It became so when Barack Obama grabbed center stage as a candidate for Democratic presidential nomination . You probably has seen numerous pics and video clips of Barack then known as 'Barry' playing ball in his early years in Hawaii to the latest 3 0n 3 game he has with some U.S. soldiers stationed in Iraq. If you have not , go google it . Just type ' Obama , balls 'or something like that. And now here comes Sarah Barracuda . That my friend is the nom de guerre of Sarah Palin the sexy Republican Vice Presidential candidate when she was a high school basketball player from small town in her native Alaska. The hottest hockey Mom , now Governor of Alaska , was a ferocious guard ala Isiah Thomas during her early years in Waisila , You are still not convinced . Just google ' Sarah , balls ' . Maybe not . Anyway , there was Barry Obama and .....Sarah Barrycuda once upon a time .
What a coup for David Stern. 1st the redemption in Beijing and now , the U.S. election . Whoever wins , basketball wll be the main beneficiary . I laughed when I heard a guest in PrimeTime Sports said ' the NHL should take advantage of the hockey mom tag associated with Sarah Palin '. What ? No chance . The game is basketball , my friend . The only question is , who will win in the match between Obama vs. Palin, Barry vs. Barrycuda , Hawaii 5-0 vs. Northern Exposure. Obama wants to play Sarah to a game of one on one basketball. That's a sure hit pay for view spectacle. If I'm Stern or Jerry Colangelo , I will sponsor this event . I'll promote this match as Obama versus Hot Mama !