Monday, March 24

Raptors Below Standard !

Mediocre . That's the word to describe the current Raptors team. I've repeatedly said it before and now it becomes obviously clear. GM Bryan Colangelo refused to shake the line up before the trade deadline and now it's too late to make it competitive. Here are what's in store for the team :

1. Another Atlantic Division championship is but a dream. Maybe , MLSE should place an asterisk to last year's accomplishment.
2. No 50 wins this year . Homer Chuck will have to eat his words with the usual the salami and cheese sandwich . What's up with that ?
3. 1st round casualty of the playoffs especially if the team falls to the 7th or 8th place. The team is now tied with the Sixers for 6th place. That is an omen of bad things to come. Ya know , Sixers at 6th !

The game versus the Denver Nuggets which the Raptors lost , 100-109 , proved also that Chris Bosh is not prime time yet. Against Denver's Kenyon Martin's tough defense , he had a hard time making a basket. Was Bosh's meltdown in the last few minutes of the game because he was reminded of Mickey Moore by K Mart's tattoos ? CB4 ' called ' his fellow Raptors out after the game. I would rather that he call 911 instead. That's the thing you do in Denver (or Toronto) when you are dead ! And the Raps are as dead as the Maple Leafs. As to the 7 footer Andrea Bargnani , his 3 point shots went south. Perhaps to the 6'3'' Stephen Curry , the son of former Raptor Dell Curry . Wait, what about Sam's comment that ' since I've been here we have'nt had a player we can iso (isolation with ) the basketball '. Huh ? Wrong . Sam coached VC before the powers-that-be decided to jettisoned the then Raps' iso King . Sam basically admitted that Bosh does'nt meet the standard of a go to guy. Bosh is simply not ISO certified !

Sunday, March 16

More Roadside Bombings

0-3 and 2 more to go. Yup. The road ahead seems peppered with bombs or IEDs (Improvised Explosive Device ) as the Raptors continue their western trip. Tonight , the Raps will face the Sacto Kings. Expect the same rude treatment from another running team. ' We played hard but we've got to have a better start ' said coach Sam Mitchell after going down to the Golden State Warriors . Sam can't say the same thing in the case of their most recent loss to the Denver Nuggets. They were completely blown away allowing the Nuggs to score 79 points in the 1st half ! Wow. What happened Sam ? I'll tell you what . You did not play smart ball. The Raps tried to run with the bulls. Bullshit . The Warriors and the Nuggets are both excellent running teams who can run all night. TO tried but it has no way of matching their opponents. The Raps tried very hard with TJ Ford (TJ must mean Trying Jard ) but they failed miserably. TO lapsed into to's - turnovers - which resulted to easy baskets by their opponents. The Raptors running is like a running toilet. It's wasteful. ' Men are wired differently from us ' chorused the women of the TV show The View in explaining the actions of disgraced NY Governor Elliot Pritzer after he was caught in the call girl/ sex scandal . That's it. The Raps are wired differently from the run and gun western teams . If they are to win , TO must play deliberate ball. It must consume close to 24 secs before making an attempt at the basket. Forget the running game Sam. TO is not wired to run . The Raptors are good in running only in one thing . They run well only when there is a basketball fight in the hardcourt !
Tonight is the Raptors best chance of scoring a roadkill. After the Kings , they will face the Utah Jazz - just another team with an excellent winning record. If Sam won't change his strategy , expect a fruitless road trip. Sam and the fans will explode like IEDs . No roadkill means roadrage !

Monday, March 10

Top Ten Ways to Turn the 'Soft' Raptors to Toughies

10. Get Miami Heat's Johnson to be Bargani's buddy/teammate.

9. Replace Raptors' drink from Gatorade to Tabasco's hot sauce.


8. Hire ex-Raptors tough guys Charles Oakley, Chris Childs, Kevin Willis and Vince Carter. Oops.. D
efinitely not VC.

7. Instead of coach Sam Mitchell and his staff wearing suits, they must wear macho attire.

6. Inject 'Forderon' with HGH and steroids.

Replace Dino mascot with Godzilla.

4. Use Edwin Starr's "War" as intro music and use roadside bomb as used in Afghanistan as fireworks.

3. Hire American Idol's Simon Cowell as the Raptor's PA announcer. Every Raptor will make sure not to play lousy or else Simon will call them out.

2. Promise the Raptor's starting lineup that they will be in Charles Barkley's fave five if they will play tough.

And the number 1 way to make
the 'soft' Raptors tough is to let every Raptor wear a Hannibal Lecter mask.

Monday, March 3

Raptors' Bench Is Deep .......In Deep Shit !

To those fans who adhere to the belief that Toronto Raptors has a deep bench .... think again. After successive losses to also ran Indiana Pacers and lowly Charlotte Hornets , those believers are suddenly scratching their eggs ... err .. I mean , their heads now. That's why an outsider's view of the TO squad's bench strength is a million times more dependable. Clyde Frazier was asked last night if the Raptors stand a chance of winning the Eastern conference. ' No way. The Raptors lack quality players ' said the ex Knicks great. What ? How about what the homers are saying that the Raps' bench is 10 deep ? Maybe the bench is 6 feet deep . Six feet deep down under ! Now , even Primos 'Prozac' Brezec thinks the Raptors are soft as he said last night to Charlotte reporters. That coming from a new guy who talks tough but who also have a soft game. Is that mouth guard tough enough to chew , Primoz ?
The successive defeats by the Raptors were atrocious. ' The Raptors played like they don't care . They were completely outrebounded ' said radio/TV sports show host Bobcat of the loss to the Bobcats during the telecast of his program this afternoon .Last night , Charlotte waylaid TO , 98-116 , outscoring them 32-0 in second chance points . This came at the heels of a double digit loss to Grangerless Indiana Pacers. The Raps were Boshless but nevertheless the Bobcats were Wallaceless too. So the Raps are winning streakless for sure despite the prediction of many so called experts that this particular stretch of the schedule will be easy. The reality is that TO is now facing a 3 game l o s i n g streak . Yup. The Raps are sure to suffer their 3rd consecutive defeat at the hands of Superman ( they play Dwight Howard and the Magic next) unless the Raps find a kryptonite. I'd say , to win vs. the Magic , the Raps just don't need to play crap tonite !